Baptizing Spiderman

In Uruguay, because so many people have drifted so far away from God and from the Church, many of the rules and regulations are a bit different. Over here, marriage is the exception and not the rule. Baptism is frequently administered, but not necessarily at birth. So far I have at least three kids that I will have to form a group for because they are already over 7 and so they have to receive religious education prior to being allowed to be baptized. The reasons for waiting so long are very complex and lie within the fabric of that which makes up the culture here in Uruguay. I could readily give some examples, but without understand things here, they would make no sense whatsoever as the logic behind them is uniquely Uruguayan.

And that preamble brings me to this week’s story. I had baptisms in my church this past Sunday. Until now I have maintained the previous pastor’s tradition of doing baptisms only once a month (though I will probably change that very soon). In preparation for the baptism, I request only that the parents and godparents (when possible) come to a talk the Friday before to teach them at least a little about what we are doing and why. I have never yet had the courage to ask what they think is the reason for baptism, mostly because I don’t want to get too discouraged! Most of those who come for baptism never attend church and a large number are not married in the Church – things which are naturally of concern and constitute problems. Again, though, those are problems that lie deeply embedded within the culture and so I simply follow the diocesan mandate of baptizing all those who request it.

It was at this last talk that I met Spiderman. Spiderman (yes that really has made it this far south and has been translated as “hombre raño”) is a four year old boy who immediately upon entering the church ran up to me and shouted “I’m Spiderman and I am shooting my webs at you!!!” I knew then we would get along great. He was there as a baptismal candidate along with his infant sister and managed to make enough noise throughout the talk that even I was impressed. I was even more impressed, however, by how attentive all the parents and God parents were; none of them are church goers, but they seemed to really be taking this seriously. That, of course, is always the hope: that through their children, this missing generation can be brought back and helped to a life of faith.

Come Sunday, all of the families came on time for the baptism (not a given over a here) and were all properly attired and properly disposed for the ceremony. It was again surprising and pleasing how seriously they took this. There were three children to be baptized and everything was going very smoothly – until the baptism itself. First up was an angel of a boy who never made a peep the whole time. Then came Spiderman’s little sister. While I was pouring the water, she suddenly spasmed and so I ended up pouring it over her face, not her forehead. Normally things like a baptism are fairly serious, but no one could help chuckling at that. The amazing thing was that she never did cry.

Next up was our fearless crime fighter himself. When his dad picked him up, and after having witnessed what had just happened to his sister, he was in no way pleased. He began shouting at the top of his impressive lungs and squirming with all his might in the powerful arms of his 6’ 2” father. “I don’t want the water! I don’t want it! What is he doing to me?!” And so forth. Normally I am irritated by parents who don’t try to control their children – this was not one of those times. His parents were in fact doing all they could, but, after all, he is a superhero, and he was not to be deterred. In the end I was outright laughing at our attempts to try and baptize him as was most everyone else. We of course succeeded, but not without a struggle.

So, in the end, Spiderman has become a member of the Catholic Church and the mystical body of Christ. Of course I did not baptize him “Hombre Raño” but rather by his alter ego, ***** [name withheld for reasons of national security].

In the end, everything went very well. Spiderman himself came up to me later to ask if I was coming over to his house for a celebration. When I told him I was, he turned to his grandmother and said, “He’s my friend”. Life is good.